So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
