hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
