I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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