Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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