I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found your dick twin last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
