I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize