i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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