you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do nipples grow back?
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