I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize