I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
