I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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