Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
