i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
