So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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