I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
