She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
