I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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