i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
