Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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