Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
