Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How does it feel to date your dad?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
