My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
