I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
