Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
