It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
