Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
