is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
