Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
