I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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