Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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