hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
