Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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