Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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