Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
