If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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