do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
