You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
