Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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