You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
