Jerry, you need to find god
the condom got lost in my hair
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
