when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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