I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
