I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
