she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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