Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
