The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
