My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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