Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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