That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
