If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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