I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
