Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
