i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
