the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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