Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
