I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
