Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
