she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
