That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
