Plan B is the new Plan A
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
