She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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