wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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