I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
