oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
