Who wears a wallet chain?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
