my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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