Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
