ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
