Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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