Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
