Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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