Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
