Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
