I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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