That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
