my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
