I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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