I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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